Crooks, Le Saux, Brolin, Kammy, Torres, Jones

As you many have guessed I’m taking a bit of a break. So in the meantime whilst it’s quiet and for something to do – I am throwing down the challenge glove…

This challenge was something started via Twitter when Sweeping The Nation tweeted with this comment a few months back.

The tweet, for those of you who can’t be arsed clicking on that link is for a video from Edward (Ed) Ball and his song: “Mill Hill Self Hate Club”, which I think tickled the lower to mid end of the charts in 1996.
What was significant about the video for his song was that there were a few well known faces including a Premier League footballer.

So from the suggestion originally by Sweeping The Nation, this has now become:

Find a music video where a football player makes an appearance.

Now there are rules to this – the video has to be of a player who just pops up somewhere. He doesn’t sing, but instead tries his acting chops in these three minute mini-tales…plays…? fables ? …I can’t think of the right word at the moment.

Some examples of what I’ve found below. Can you add to these ? Leave a comment.

I’ll post these in the order of the year the song was released and start with Junior Giscombe.

You remember Junior ? He had that fantastic song Mama Used To Say which was a huge hit in 1981. A few years later he released a single Do You Really (Want My Love) which was als on the Beverly Hills Cop soundtrack.

The setting for the accompanying video was an indoor 5-a-side match at the local gym. Not very imaginative and reverting to type just because of the footballer they managed to get involved I think, or maybe it was because Junior was a friend or fan of this particular striker.. Who knows.

The plot for the video is that Junior is the subs bench and was pleading with his manager to get a game because there’s this girl on another bench who he wants to impress. By half time his team are 5-nil down and the boss gives these players a rollocking. A team which includes one Garth Crooks, late of Spurs at the time, now still a cub reporter at the Beeb…   As you can see from the screencap above old Garth doesn’t look too impressed at this bloke telling him what to do.

The 2nd half kicks off and Junior’s team are still getting mullered and eventually he’s given a chance.
Our hero steps onto the pitch… sorry gym floor and… well have a look for yourself:

Additional notes: Loses a few points because it uses a football player in a football setting. Would have liked to have seen Crooks dresses as a clown in a circus or something. There could be some other Spurs players in the video too , I’m not familiar with their team from that era. If you spot one add a comment.

Next we have the aforementioned Edward Ball, who was signed to Creation Records at the time and a big mate of the founder of the label Alan McGee, who you can see on the video. As well as him Ed got another mate of his to play guitar in the band. I don’t know if he actually played on the single or just appear in the video… anyway step forward Nick Heyward, late of Haircut 100 and one of the many lead singers who think they can break out on their own but end up in obscurity.

Our featured footballer this time is the Guardian reading Graeme Le Saux, who at the time was playing for the Jack Walker financed Blackburn Rovers, but a few months later moved to Chelsea.

The plot for this one is really simple – Ed is sitting in a caff (and occasionally playing with the band) waiting for his date to show. Whilst he’s there – for a good few hours – some people (McGee and then Le Saux) come and sit at the tables. Eventually his date turns up and it’s…

Additional notes: Another one that loses a couple of points because of the set up of a football pitch on the table as a way to telegraph that this was a well known footballer we were looking at. We know who he is.

Now we have some bizarreness… It comes in the form of Dr. Alban (not a real doctor obviously) who you may remember from the early 90’s dance hit “It’s My Life” which was also used in those bloody (literally !) Tampax adverts. The bizarre doesn’t come from that but from another tune he did in 1999.

For this song he went the Ed Ball route and roped in some of his (Swedish) sporting pals – and what friends he keeps. In the video you will see Bjorn Borg and a footie player featured previously on F&M – Tomas Brolin.

In the clip below the good (non) Dr. Alban has hired a stretched limo and along with Borg and Brolin, they are all dressed to the nines in some white dinner jackets. Also in the video there’s some bikini clad birds in a swimming pool and err… You’d better just watch:

Additional notes: Again we know who he is so there’s no need for any clips showing his greatest moments (although he might have requested that himself.) Or the footage of the chunky Brolin destroying a wall with a… football. Again a bit too on the nose.

For this one it is back to a World Cup year (2002) and a silly decision by Keith Allen to once again flog this dead horse with a self-released tune. It was also a notable event with his daughter Lily (aged 15 at the time )making her first guest vocals and video appearance. The song, with Blur’s Dave Rowntree on drums, has a video shot in and around Soho in London. And to compete with Dr. Alban above it seems, there’s a bit of bizarreness in the form of Wayne Sleep wearing that protective gear that boxers use when in training. He can be seen pirouetting around the crowds in Carnaby Street.

The football representation in this case (because in the song there’s barely any mentions) comes in the form of that Sky Sports legendary summariser Chris “Kammy” Kamara, who is also name checked in the song.

Additional notes: Points lost because of the name check and because Kammy is on camera for only a few seconds.

Here now we have a 2004 video from a Spanish group who score some major points because of the player they got to appear in the video and what they got him to do.

The band is El Canto del Loco (The Song of the Madman).
In the video below it takes a nod to the Junior Giscombe clip. In this case it’s the lead singer of the band who’s at a bus station when who should walk in but Fernando Torres. He is accompanying a female (assumed to be his girlfriend) and whilst they are sitting waiting for the bus the lead singer catches the girls eye and the girl also spots him. Then they both have an out of body experience… No I’m not kidding here. Eventually the bus is ready to leave and the singer boards. We then see Torres and the girl approach the bus, Fernando goes in to kiss his video partner BUT SHE BLANKS HIM ! She must have been a clairvoyant and saw this trip that Torres took in the future.

Additional notes: As I said extra points for snagging Torres for the video, for not mentioning or even giving a hint of football. But especially for the fact that the lead singer steals Fernando’s girl.

» Lastly for now – and I can’t believe that I’m posting a Westlife video on here…

The premise for their pop music video – “Bop Bop Baby”… it hurts as I type that…. is that the boys are Musketeers are locked in a dungeon. There’s a girl (as always) which wanted to marry one of the boyband members – it’s not clear which, maybe all of them. But her Father is forcing her to marry the vilest man in the kingdom for cold, hard cash. That man is Duke Vincent – known more commonly to you and me as Vinnie Jones, who is well known to croon a few tunes himself.

As mentioned the lads are locked in an underground castle dungeon and singing some (slightly confusing) lyrics which really do not fit in with their situation:

“When I call you at home and he answers the phone
Or I get your machine and I don’t hear me”

Then suddenly help from outside and some unknown accomplice blows a big fecking hole in the wall, they escape, storm the wedding and proceed to beat the living crap out of Jones.
So the video does have some high points.

Additional notes: Loses a couple of points because they got a footballer who likes to sing, but the man himself helps gain them back by being in a Westlife video and for allowing a boyband to beat him up.

Those are the ones that I’ve found, but there’s got to be more out there. Do you know of any ?
If you spot any candidates please add a comment below:

3 Replies to “The Footballers In Video Challenge”

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