Hey He’s Huge Ya ?

A slight return to songs about individual footballers...

There are visitors to this website from places far and wide. I’m assuming that they are Brit Expats but there are others who according to the stats are googling for other things and like many of do, stumble across a page whilst trying to find another thing. – This next bit is to give you some background before I post the tune.Cohen, Buckley and Griffin

In the UK there’s this big reality singing show called the X Factor – it’s a bit of a reworked version of Pop Idol (or American Idol or Canadian Idol or [insert your countries name here] Idol…you get the idea) created by – and holding all the rights to*, including the winners soul throughout the known universe – by Simon Cowell.

*unlike on Pop Idol where he was just an employee, with this one he is the major revenue taker.

The eventual winner of Whatever Idol or X Factor is given either a pre-written song to sing, or in the case of this year – one to cover.

After this song is released it is pretty much guaranteed to go to number one in the charts… Well in Britian it will because people here are sad bastards with nothing else better to do than watch this tripe.

The song chosen for the winner was “Hallelujah” – originally written by and performed live by Leonard Cohen, the tune more recently famous for being used in one of the Shrek movies.

Now even though there’s no reference to the festive season or to the baby Jeebus in the lyrics, because of the recent release of XFactor winner Alexandra Burke’s bombastic cover(and the campaign to get Jeff Buckley’s version to the top spot before hers) … Cohen’s song (who is Jewish) will forever now be associated with Xmas.


So with all this in mind…

There was a winner of another TV reality show who had already beaten the Xfactor to the punch. By over a year.

Alistair Griffin was a contestant on the a show in 2003 called “Fame Academy 2” (no I don’t know what it is either, had too look it up as well) and ever since then he’s had… some success in the charts.

But in March of 2007, Griffin – who is a big ‘Boro fan – wrote some lyrics and put them to the tune of Hallelujah in honour of always loyal* Mark Viduka, (now bench breaking sitting at the Barcodes) – but at the time of composition was pulling a hefty wage at Middlesbrough.

*Three months later he cashed in by fecking off on a free transfer to those up there on the Tyne.

Gareth HorseTeeth Southgate liked the song so much that it was released as a download only single with profits going to his chosen charity.

And because of all the above (the XFactor, etc) I am using that as a very poor excuse to include this one under the seasonal tag. I’m sure this song is now a bitter reminder to any Boro supporters. So Merry Xmas to yer lads !

Fatty Viduka » Alistair Griffin – Mark Viduka


Heard there was a secret ball
Southgate dreamed it would beat them all
But you don’t really play the long ball do ya

It goes like this the full pitch width
Downing’s cross and Boateng’s flick
The baffled keeper can’t stop Mark Viduka

Mark Viduka Mark Viduka
Mark Viduka Mark Viduka

Defence was strong but you needed youth
Pogatetz and Woodgate too
Just to stop Ronaldo running through you

Well he tied mad dog to the physio’s chair
With Cattermole and Xavier’s hair
But from our team they can’t take Mark Viduka

Mark Viduka Mark Viduka
Mark Viduka Mark Viduka

Did my best it wasn’t much
Was praying for Yakubu’s touch
To find the golden boot of Mark Viduka

Then even though it all went wrong
Come Saturday the special one
Be shouting to John Terry, mark Viduka

Mark Viduka Mark Viduka
Mark Viduka Mark Viduka

2 Replies to “Hey He’s Huge Ya ?”

  1. David A Adams says:

    Alistair Griffin also released an excellent ‘straight’ version of Leonard Cohen’e ‘Hallelujah’ on his 2006 EP ‘Finding Boethius’.

  2. teena says:

    I’d dedicate or write a song for FAB if only he’d eff off and eat his pies somehwere else… if Boro want him back (can’t see why tho) I’d drive him over mesel.. all the way from Berlin


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