Soccer Superstar – That’s Who You Are

Taking a quick break from the footie & movie music series to show some love to Brandon Donovan…

Hmm...wet

sorry…? He’s what… Landon…? I’ve been calling him Brandon all this time and nobody said.
Well no wonder he didn’t respond to my tweat.

As you’ve probably seen reported last week (yes yes I am a bit slow to react) young Bran…Landon there made some remarks which appeared in a book in which he accused Derek of being “unprofessional” amongst other things.

This little outburst began in part when the LA Galaxy team were on the road – Beckham’s first away game – and they all went to a restaurant a day before the match. At the end of the meal and because of who he was and how much he was earning, the others were looking, nay expecting old Goldenballs to pick up the tab. But he didn’t.

This apparently was the last straw for Jason Donovan who a few weeks before was the star player in the Galaxy and captain to boot. But then he arrived and in one fell swoop was suddenly shoved out of the spotlight and lost the captains armband to boot.
Bestie mates
Then even with Derek in the ranks, they had a disappointing season which AEG and the naïve Alexi Lalas (LA Galaxy’s GM) decided to try an instant fix by throwing money at it in the form of Ruud Gullit (who we all remember for his spectacular time managing Newcastle. Suffice to say it was a unmitigated disaster and eventually both Lalas and Gullit were shown the door.
Viewing all of this and frustrated by the lower quality and very short MLS season in America. Plus with the fear of not being picked for the England team if he wasn’t playing regulary and at a higher standard, it was arranged that Beckham go play for AC Milan in the off season.

Terence Donovan himself tried to engineer a move to a better team when in January 2009 he went to Bayern Munich, but for the second time in his career Landon had failed to make it in the Bundesliga.

With his tail between his legs Donovan McNabb returned to the MLS and prepared and started the new season and then halfway through was included in the (mostly non-MLS playing) USA team for the Confederations Cup in South Africa.

At the beginning of the tournament the United States team performed poorly, but then one day they remembered how to play as a team and got themselves into the semi-final and then beat the previously unbeaten (but very tired) Spain team.
I'm a weiner...I mean... I'm a winner...
Then in the final the previously misaligned and ignored Donovan Leitch grabbed the world’s…well all right the footballing world’s…. attention again with a stunning goal against Brazil.

Sadly after this the U.S team capitulated and they lost, which didn’t help when Brendan Landon returned home expecting the American media to be all abuzz with his performance. There was some coverage, but still not the headline grabbing sort of thing we see in Blighty.

Only a few weeks later he was pushed back into the shadows again with the return of Beckham and the bad timing of the Beckham Experiment book being published.

Donovan’s own comments are slightly ironic and in itself a bit “unprofessional” too. This little jealous outburst isn’t going to help matters with the team and the teammates. It will be interesting to watch their performance and LA Galaxy’s overall performance over the next few weeks.

This is turning a bit political and moving away from what the objective was – to shower some attention onto the once again ignored Donovan and to let him know that he is still the soccer superstar. That’s what you are. Honestly.

If you follow F&M you know what is coming next...

The singer in one cheezetastic Jess Conrad.   » He has a pink Rolls you know.
Familiar to your parent or grandparents if they’ve been on a cruise. The man who puts the ow ! into lounge singer.

This song was done when Landon was still in shorts… (I mean the junior school-type, not the footballing one) but I believe that if Jess hadn’t created it back then he would have been inspired upon witnessing Donovan and the Galaxy team. It’s as if they were made for each other:

Jesse Conrad » Jess Conrad and Tanya Tenola – Soccer Superstar

That orange skin...those teeth.... I can see them from the other side of the room...

For those of you who’ve just joined us:

The light entertainment legend above is the captain and manager of the Showbiz XI soccer team, who you can hire here for your charidee or appeal. Jess has thoughtfully added his mobile number there, so give him a ring.

In 1989/1990 he was responsible for the writing, recording and releasing of not one, but two Showbiz XI albums. First posted by WFMU’s Beware Of The Blog (a very recommended), you can find more about it here. The above song was included on the album.

You are asking yourself now: Why would anybody write and record anything so bad ?
Well you see Jess started out bad and just… stayed there…

In what would be considered to be his “peak” period, Jess released 14 singles between 1960 & 69 with only three of them charting. The biggest hit was his third reaching number 18. All the others failed. » More info.

On the radio in the 70’s the late great Kenny Everett did the “Worlds Worst Record Show” and Jess had the considerable “honour” of being featured three times.

Edit: And I’m glad that someone has carried on the tradition with this blog.

The following example (from 1961) will prove that the above song wasn’t a pisstake or a one off :
» Jess Conrad – My Pullover

EXTRA TIME:
He’s got a weird clothing (Seriously, What is with all the pink ?) obsession as well as a bit creepy one. – Have a listen to “Black Stockings” on the WFMU’s Beware Of The Blog post.

What colour socks – aka stockings does Landon and his team wear….?

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