Jevons (A Ballad To)

Phil Jevons… Some of you have heard of him, some of you know of him – and one particular musician who is also a Grimsby fan sung about him.

Phil Jevons

(Quite a spooky image I created there)

For the uninitiated: Phil Jevons (a striker) was a product of Everton’s youth academy, but he didn’t successfully “graduate” to the first team. In the five years he was at the club Jevons only made 8 starts but didn’t score once. Eventually he was sold to Grimsby Town and this move was well… I’ll let Pete Green, the musician/Grimsby fan who composed the song tell the story:

The Ballad of Phil Jevons

Jevons is a forward signed by Grimsby Town from Everton in 2001. He didn’t score many goals to start with and seemed to lose his way a bit, and then Town stopped playing him (partly because they’d have to pay Everton more money once he made a certain number of appearances), so in that sense this song is slightly unfair, because if he didn’t always look very interested then circumstances were against him as well. The song is partly about my hypocrisy for thinking he was lazy when I’m the laziest bastard going.

Anyway, when Town looked set for a second successive relegation they put him back in the team as a last resort and he suddenly started scoring a lot, but not enough to keep us up, and he left on a Bosman after a horrible defeat at Tranmere in May 2004.

To start with I just wrote the song to amuse my fellow Grimsby-supporting mates, and never intended it for public performance because I didn’t think it’d mean anything to anyone. But then I thought: hmm, well, the enigmatic, gifted-but-lazy footballer is sort of an everyman figure really. Then I thought: hmm, and it’s quite a nice melody so it’d be a shame to waste it, and if people don’t get it, tough titty!

So there you have it:

Pete Green » Pete Green – The Ballad of Phil Jevons

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How can I object to you
if you score four times in an afternoon?
Phil, your boots are white
but if you fill your boots like that, we’ll forgive that shite
Your finishing was really quite sublime
The Barnsley fans were leaving at half time

A Scouser’s work is never done
and when you signed from Everton
you scored a gem at Liverpool
but got yourself shipped out on loan to Hull
A lazy sod or just a nervous wreck?
A 35-yard millstone round your neck

And you and me are just a pair of slackers
We’re gonna carry on until they sack us

Four grand a week with bonuses
I would say the onus is
on you to justify that salary
It took a run in the reserves to make you see:
motivated not by Groves but fear
Scoring goals and saving your career

You shrugged your shoulders as the Mariners went down
and then you buggered off to Yeovil Town

– I’ve mentioned a couple of times about the singer Pete Green being a big Grimsby Town fan: He is a co-editor and writer for the Grimsby Town FC web fanzine Cod Almighty.

Thanks once again to Jim in York for giving me the nod.

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