[arm-field]: To regress into a monochrome soot-covered world of pipe and slippers.
[arse-shaven]: 1. A one-season wonder. 2. Great in a tournament, but found out in a league.
[barr-tunn]: 1. To have a criminal record. 2. To profit from your thug image.
[bek-cam]: Holding on to the pipedream that at the age of 37 and playing in a pub standard league – that you’ll still got a chance of playing for England again.
[ben-tuh]: 1. To be consistently inconsistent whilst pointing in a curved direction. 2. See Redknapp (senior).
[carr-oll]: 1. To warm a seat every Saturday afternoon. 2. To drink socially.
[chi-voo]: To bring a man down deliberately and get up graciously accepting your yellow card. Eg, he was going past me so I did a Chivu.
[dee-larp]: Using a towel excessively. The flick the arse of a fellow player with the towel in the changing room after a match.
[drog-baa]: Tripping over one’s own bottom lip.
[jer-hard]: 1. Thinking that the team can’t win without you. 2. Leaving your mark at a disco.
[Aarg-reaves]: A traditional Germanic paean to never-say-die stoicism in the face of squeeky plastic joints.
[hod-dull]: To sit on a swivel chair with legs akimbo whilst talking utter bollocks.
[hodge-son]: To remain a respected figure whilst in possession of a dry quiff and an inability to roll one’s ‘r’s.
Lampard [lamb-parr]: 1. Ring and badge kissing whilst pointing towards the sky. 2. To have the turning circle of the Titanic.
[oh-nee-eel]: 1. Having a hatred of the fax machine and associating it with losing players. 2. Blaming old technology for club failings.
[oh-uhn]: 1. To be mocked mercilessly by @piersmorgan.
2. To send a brochure touting your value. (See also: HenryWinter)
[muck-clarr-en]: 1. Having a taxi constantly on standby. 2. To be the cause of the slump in golf umbrella sales.
[mo-oi-ease]: To manage beyond your means. To keep a club afloat when they should have been relegated two seasons ago.
[Nev-ill]: 1. To secure a job in punditry on the strength of connections alone. 2. The Mancunian pop-art of fraternal neanderthal mediocrity. (See also Gallacher)
[poo-leys]: 1. Not having any geographical sense. 2. To prepare a large amount of sandwiches for an Europa League away trip.
[Hurry-up-Harry]: 1. A footballing version of Del Boy. 2. To be promised the England job even with the shady dealings.
[reeed]: 1. Never cheer up.
2. To chase back helplessly. (See also Fenwick and Hodge)
[she-rurr]: 1. Owning a jumper that is brighter than your opinions. 2.Put in temp charge without any management experience.
[chev-chenk-oh]: To be the owner’s 30 million pond pet. 2. Paying top dollar and getting a Reliant Robin in return (see also Carroll, Torres)
[tor-rez]: 1. Regretting what you originally perceived as a clever move. 2. To have buyer’s remorse.
[ver-ton-gen]: The injury sustained when an elastic band travels at great speed in precisely the opposite direction to that expected. (via @Twisted_Blood)
[wawl-kuht,-kot]: To spray a shot at a spectator when aiming for goal. Also known as a Gordon. || “Wilson walcotted that.”
[war-knock]: 1. To use a never ending stream of expletives. 2. Cursing of the opposition due to failed tactics.
[we-buh]: 1. To show favour to the home side. 2. Manchester United’s twelfth man.
[veng-gurr]: 1.To have a mild tantrum. 2. The action of throwing a water bottle. || “He’s Wengered the water…”
[wilk-ins]: To coo softly like a freshly shaven bush baby.
[would-gayte]: An inanimate gate made of wood.
[zam-or-a]: To be constantly hit by the ball when watching a Fulham match from the very top row of the stand.