Starting with what is possibly the best musical footballing song there is…

This track set the standard for how an f&m tune should be – other bands please take note.

The band is The Hitchers who hail from Limerick (not to be confused with a recently formed band based in Teeside who have taken the same name). The original Hitchers had the honour of recording a Peel Session in 1997 and this particular track made it onto the Festive Fifty in that same year.

The subject was Gordon Strachan and his time at Leeds United, specifically about one match. The opposition isn’t mentioned and the actual game may not have even taken place. It may be more artist licence taken by the writer of the song, the drummer of the band – one Niall Quinn.
Yes he’s probably heard that a thousand times. Let’s continue shall we ?

A few years ago the music fanzine No Pictures interviewed Mr Quinn and asked him about the track:

No Pictures: Have you ever met Gordon Strachan?
Niall Quinn: No, but we’ve come very close on a couple of occasions. He was fifty feet away from us at the Phoenix Festival but behind a security barrier.

NP: Do you know whether he has heard the song?
NQ: He has and apparently quite likes it. I’ve spoken to him a few times on the phone.

NP: Peel played it long before it was released. How’d he get hold of it?
NQ: John Peel had a copy of the “..Fun & Games..” LP because it was released in Ireland 3 months before it came out in the UK.

NP: When did you write that song?
NQ: I originally wrote it in 1992 and it sounded like a dodgy ripoff of Teenage Fanclub’s “Starsign”. So a year or two later when he retired I got all melancholic and re-wrote it. The team-mates mentioned aren’t the championship winning side. They’d have played briefly together Sept/Oct 93 when Leeds were about 14th in the league.

» Read the full interview here.

Have a listen/download of the song and then please buy some of their products to the right:

[See post to listen to audio] » The Hitchers – Strachan

Track number two comes from Alistair Griffin, who appeared on the BBC’s Fame Academy a few years ago. His (cheeky) ode to a player comes in the form of Mark Viduka who was rolling around the pitch for Middlesboro at the time.

Griffin was known for performing comedy versions of some songs at his concerts and when he was singing at a charity event at Boro’s Riverside Stadium…

This via Wikipedia:

… After his performance of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, he asked the audience if they would like to hear an alternative version, based on Cohen’s song, but with new words dedicated to the Boro hero at that time, Australian striker Mark Viduka. Keeping faithfully to Cohen’s melody, Griffin’s almost plaintive vocals are sung to a simple acoustic backing, forming a contrast to the altered lyrics which reference the particular skills of Viduka and several other popular players in the team, as well as some of their opponents, in a sharply observed and witty commentary.

After hearing the tongue-in-cheek tribute, Middlesbrough manager Gareth Southgate was so taken with it he asked Griffin to make a special recording to play at the following day’s match. It was played to the crowd at half-time and to the players in the dressing room after the game…

…The incident received global press coverage, most of it positive… It was immediately picked up by hundreds of online sports pages and blogs. The Mark Viduka song was added to Griffin’s MySpace page the following day and clocked up over 75,000 plays by football fans worldwide…

» Read the full entry.

[See post to listen to audio] » Alistair Griffin – Mark Viduka

The next song is by a band who echo The Hitchers somewhat: Instead of a group member having an associated with football name, it was the band who named themselves – Barcelona.
The band were originally from Arlington Virginia but are now defunct.

The player was the U.S.A goalkeeper Kasey Keller and unlike the above two songs and their semi-truthful accounts, this game actually took place.

The match was a 1998 CONCAFAF Gold Cup game in which the USA beat Brazil 1-0, thanks mostly in part to the heroics of Keller in the USA goal making 10 saves that day. Romario later on remarked: “That is the best performance by a goalkeeper I have ever seen.”

The band Barcelona then immortalised Keller in song:

[See post to listen to audio] » Barcelona – Kasey Keller

That’s the end of this chapter. The next one will be online very soon.

Many of you might already be familiar with Chris Kamara and his entertaining observations (and a missed one, as famously known now) for Sky’s Soccer Saturday. This post is for some of you who may not have discovered his genius and I urge you to…well the season’s nearly over now, but for next season you have to switch on every Saturday afternoon.

WAIT ! No… I have it. Why should we have to wait until August, I’m starting a campaign for the Beeb or ESPN (in the USA) to get him signed up to be a summariser or match reporter.

ESPN/USA have already got a few English commentators for their World Cup coverage – they should get Chrissy Kammy on board too. Better him than that Tommy “gobshite” Smyth.

Kamara became well known for his funny reports from the grounds and for that now famous remark.

Is that on a T-shirt…? It should be on a tshirt somewhere…   UPDATE: It is ! + Here too !

In fact it is actually on a horse – Chris and Jeff Stelling own a racehorse with that name.

Below are a few clips of the great man in action. Starting with his now most famous gaff:

Over 1.5 million views of that clip on YouTube now.  

Next some highlights of Chris in action (click the link to view) :

- Klassic Kammy

- A Tribute To Chris Kamara (The Director’s Cut)

Lastly there is obviously only one tune that could accompany this post:

[See post to listen to audio] » EMF – Unbelievable (Boot Lane Mix) [See post to listen to audio] » EMF – Unbelievable (Cin City Sex Mix)

POSTSCRIPT – My esteemed colleague at Fisted Away (who inspired me to do this post) after seeing the above pic, suggested that it looks like he should be singing this Rick James song. I’m thinking that if there’s another Sports Relief he should do a cover version for charidee. Hey, let’s start another campaign and make that happen too !

Additionally… I urge you to join: Unbelievable Jeff…The Chris Kamara Appreciation Group.

Over in North America they have a pub-standard league known as the MLS, which until the arrival of a certain individual was ignored pretty much everywhere.

Now this league differs in the way that some players are signed for the teams. It is based on one used in another league – the NFL – and this is a draft system.

To shorthand it into one sentence: How this works is that new players are recruited from college soccer teams. So if you wanted to play in the MLS the route in first would be for you to get yourself into a college.

Now you are pondering on how a young chappie such as the one seen pictured above just before his Chartered Accountancy interview, would have done since the only route into soccer in the States is via academia. He would have got on very well actually. Because his talent would have been spotted and would have probably been offered a quote: “football scholarship” so that he could then attend a college to quote: “study” but everyone knows he’s there to split the defence with a pass and not infinitives.

I re-worded that last line about hundred times, I give up.

The perverse thing about that draft system is that the poorest performing team from a previous season get the best draft player first – and the best team get to choose last. This is designed so that there’s an even spread of talent, a level playing field if you will.
So imagine it like Walcott playing for Portsmouth – or Babel playing for Liverpool.   Oh.

That’s quite enough of the filler text. To the subject in hand:

Regarding a certain Paul John Gascoigne Esq, famous son of Gateshead, resident of the local nick as of late.

The year was 1990 – the height of Gazzamania – and it was a golden year for him*
With the single featuring Lindisfarne reaching number 2 in the charts, he followed up this success by releasing an album. But this was not your usual Long Player…

I doubt if we’ll ever find the reason for the curious choice of tracks on this album.

Reading the sleevenotes from the Geordie boy, he writes:

“When I was first asked to get together some special songs and very special friends for an album the difficulty was deciding what (and who) to leave out.”

One of the things he pretty much left out was himself. Choosing to include the singles, plus one additional song that he got his mates (at the time) to howl along with.

- And in the interests of decency names should be named: Kenny Lynch, Danny Baker, Anna Gascoigne (his sister), Michael Patto, Gary Osborne, Billy Laurie, Lem Lubin and Martin Kearney… but no Jimmy “Five Bellies”… Probably for the best.

[See post to listen to audio] » Gazza and Friends – All You Need Is Love

and because I’m feeling sadistic today have the 12″ version…

…. of Fog On The Tyne:
[See post to listen to audio]» Gazza/Lindisfarne – Revisited (12 inch version)

The rest of the album was filled with a medley from various artists including a soul, a Motown, an Elvis and finally a Gilbert O’Sullivan medley. Work that one out:

Away Man. Aw Ye Gan Oot ?

Steve Gibson, the Boro chairman is a rarity. But he’s seen as either very silly or very stupid for hitching his wagon to that Southgate star.

If you look at it one way the club hasn’t exactly had the best of luck management wise, when they’ve been in the top division. Before horse teeth there was 2nd choice Steve and before that, Bryan Robson.

Yes alright they actually won the Mickey Mouse League Cup in 2004, I’ll give them that.

That was actually the third time of trying for them – in 1997 they reached the final and drew with Leicester City and then lost in the replay (this was the last time that a League Cup final would go to a replay). Then a year later they found themselves at Wembley yet again, but again they were the losing side… this time against Chelsea.

Back to 1997 though and as well as the League Cup loss the already relegated Middlesboro team (talk about unlucky) reached the FA Cup Final where they faced… Chelsea.

You can guess what happened next. Yes they lost.

On that day – 17th May – they were up against a Chelsea team that included the front two of the current managers of West Ham and Manchester City. They themselves were being managed by the current ITV pundit Ruud Gullit (how fortunes change.) – Oh also in their squad was the current boss of the Franchise.

Playing for Middlesbrough FC were the now club legends of Ravanelli and Juninho. Also in the squad was Craig Hignett (now an Academy coach at the club), Nigel Pearson (who just got Leicester [see above] promoted) and Robbie Mustoe – now a pundit on ESPN in America.

Cup Final song-wise and they pulled out the Cleveland born big names.
One a noted musician and the other the other half of a noted comedy double act:

» Middlesboro FC feat Bob Mortimer & Chris Rea – Let’s Dance and the original… » Chris Rea – Let’s Dance

A note about the Middlesboro song – there are two mixes: Riverside Mix & Wembley ’97 mix.
This is the Wembley mix – give us a shout if you have the Riverside mix.

Starting with…

The Little Fella just couldn’t quit Middlesbore, spending three different periods of his career with Middlesbrough.

In his first stint at the club (1995-97) Juninho saw his team get to and lose in both the League and FA Cup Finals before being relegated two seasons later. He was then sold to Athletico Madrid but his time there was blighted with injures and he was sent out on loan back to Boro for one season. (1999-2000).

Eventually the Teesiders signed him back and he spent another two seasons (2002-04) at the club and again they reached a League Cup Final (2004), this time though they won and the 5 foot 5 dynamo got to lift the cup.

At the end of the season he moved on a free to Celtic but struggled to break into the Martin O’Neill managed team. Juninho then moved back to his home country of Brazil to play for Palmeiras and then Flamengo but again had a torrid time falling out with the manager.

In 2007 Juninho became the Australian version of Beckham when he became the Marquee signing for Sydney FC. Sadly this didn’t last and in April of 2008 he was released from his contract and Juninho announced his retirement.

- -

When he was at the Riverside somebody… known only as “Mannion” recorded this bad, bad “tribute” …

[See post to listen to audio]
» Mannion – Juninho Jest

I really hope it was in jest.

- To temper this dirge here’s a couple from a noted Boro fan:

» Chris Rea – Steel River (Live) » Chris Rea – Stainsby Girl

There are visitors to this website from places far and wide. I’m assuming that they are Brit Expats but there are others who according to the stats are googling for other things and like many of do, stumble across a page whilst trying to find another thing. – This next bit is to give you some background before I post the tune.

In the UK there’s this big reality singing show called the X Factor – it’s a bit of a reworked version of Pop Idol (or American Idol or Canadian Idol or [insert your countries name here] Idol…you get the idea) created by – and holding all the rights to*, including the winners soul throughout the known universe – by Simon Cowell.

*unlike on Pop Idol where he was just an employee, with this one he is the major revenue taker.

The eventual winner of Whatever Idol or X Factor is given either a pre-written song to sing, or in the case of this year – one to cover.

After this song is released it is pretty much guaranteed to go to number one in the charts… Well in Britian it will because people here are sad bastards with nothing else better to do than watch this tripe.

The song chosen for the winner was “Hallelujah” – originally written by and performed live by Leonard Cohen, the tune more recently famous for being used in one of the Shrek movies.

Now even though there’s no reference to the festive season or to the baby Jeebus in the lyrics, because of the recent release of XFactor winner Alexandra Burke’s bombastic cover … (and the campaign to get Jeff Buckley’s version to the top spot before hers) … Cohen’s song (who is Jewish) will forever now be associated with Xmas.

Phew.

So with all this in mind…

There was a winner of another TV reality show who had already beaten the Xfactor to the punch. By over a year.

Alistair Griffin was a contestant on the a show in 2003 called “Fame Academy 2″ (no I don’t know what it is either, had too look it up as well) and ever since then he’s had… some success in the charts.

But in March of 2007, Griffin – who is a big ‘Boro fan – wrote some lyrics and put them to the tune of Hallelujah in honour of always loyal* Mark Viduka, (now bench breaking sitting at the Barcodes) – but at the time of composition was pulling a hefty wage at Middlesbrough.

*Three months later he cashed in by fecking off on a free transfer to those up there on the Tyne.

Gareth HorseTeeth Southgate liked the song so much that it was released as a download only single with profits going to his chosen charity.

And because of all the above (the XFactor, etc) I am using that as a very poor excuse to include this one under the seasonal tag. I’m sure this song is now a bitter reminder to any Boro supporters. So Merry Xmas to yer lads !

[See post to listen to audio] » Alistair Griffin – Mark Viduka » Lyrics Heard there was a secret ball Southgate dreamed it would beat them all But you don’t really play the long ball do ya It goes like this the full pitch width Downing’s cross and Boateng’s flick The baffled keeper can’t stop Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Defence was strong but you needed youth Pogatetz and Woodgate too Just to stop Ronaldo running through you Well he tied mad dog to the physio’s chair With Cattermole and Xavier’s hair But from our team they can’t take Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Did my best it wasn’t much Was praying for Yakubu’s touch To find the golden boot of Mark Viduka Then even though it all went wrong Come Saturday the special one Be shouting to John Terry, mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka Mark Viduka

In time with the Eurovision Song Contest which is happening right now as I type – We have the results of the votes from the interweb jury on which song will be the Song for Boro.

Plus thanks to a late flurry of activity when the original page was mentioned on a Middlesbrough mailing list and a couple of forums (hi there dynamo !) – we have a clear winner.

And the winner of the Song For Middlesbore..*ahem*…brough 2008 is…

Ewan Carmichael

*Before I post a couple of songs from our winner a note about Danny McCoy, the other contestant in this competition – I found this article in the Manchester Evening News – dated 30th March 2007:

Rock tribute to the Reds

“A MUSICAL Manchester United fan is trying to make his team’s road to Wembley a little more “rocky“.

Singer Danny McCoy, who earns a living as a full-time tribute act to Jon Bon Jovi, has written his own anthem for the famous club.

He hopes they will play the rock song on the team coach if they get through to the FA Cup final at the new Wembley stadium…”

There you have it… McCoy became a bit of a turncoat. Suffice to say ManU didn’t use the song and lost in the first FA Cup Final back at the new Wembley last year. – You can hear a snippet of his song: “Man U’s Going to Wembley” on that MEN article.

But as mentioned Danny didn’t win the vote, Ewan did. So without further Adu then… the winning song from Ewan, plus a couple of other tunes from his SoundClick.com page :

»Ewan Carmichael – Dancing Out On The Street

» Ewan Carmichael – Can’t Get Over You

» Ewan Carmichael – Dangerous Game

With the Eurovision Song Contest happening next month and keeping fingers crossed that this year’s UK entry at least does marginally better than last years disaster… I’ve decided to to a footie&music equivalent of the qualifying competition.

When I heard these two particular tracks I thought immediately of Eurovision. They really do (in my opinion) sound like an entry for Song For Europe.

After you’ve listened to both the entries below I want you to vote and help to decided which one is the Song For Middlesboro !

First up is local boy Ewan Carmichael, who prefers to go acoustic but is with a full band for this song »

Ewan Carmichael – Dancing Out On The Street

- You can hear and download more songs by Ewan on his SoundClick.com page.

Next up is Danny McCoy who makes his living performing as a Bon Jovi tribute act. His song is from a few years ago when ‘Boro were promoted back to the top flight:

» Danny McCoy – We’re Coming Through

- You can hear Danny and his band – Bon Jordi do their version of Living On A Prayer on their Unsigned.com page.

So there you have it.
Now it’s your turn – listen to both entries and then vote below:

Postscript: I found out some extra information about one of the artists, but I'm not going to post it yet because I don't want to influence the vote. I will update this entry with the results and what I discovered after the polling closes on June 1st 2008.

May 24th 2008: The results are in.

They went through all the results from Chepstow, from Haydock and from Redcar.
- You are very familiar upon reading these names again but probably still couldn’t place them on a map. I can’t.

Then at the very end the football results from Australia were read out.
Why. You were asking yourself. Why did they do this ? Why are they bothering ?
It was because even though there wasn’t any proper footie being played, Littlewoods and Vernons kept your Dad or your Grandad occupied by using the Aussie soccer matches on the Pools.

There was little or no point in researching or trying to guess how any of these matches were going to end up. They were Aussie teams and at the time before the interweb it was impossible to find out about them.
In anyways the Oz footie was an amateur game in your eyes. The only people who cared about them were the old blokes who filled in their coupons every week without fail.

That was then and this is now…

As we saw in the last World Cup and amongst some EPL teams that Australia have some decent players. They have raised their game and now everybody knows of them.

But their football leagues back in Oz are still not taken seriously. If any Aussie player wants to play competitive football and get into the national team they have to play abroad. The Aussie soccer federation have seen and have addressed this though:

They’ve been taking notes from their American counterparts and the structure of the Aussie A-League is similar to that of the MLS.

These similarities include a wage cap and the signing of a big name player who the Aus Soccer Federation allow to break this cap in order to attract more attention to their league.

Major League Soccer has Derek and the A-League got that little dynamo who played for Middlesboro – Juninho.

You remember him. He was a loyal player to the Middlesbore… when they were in the Prem.

He’s a little lad who could have run through Crouchy’s legs, but one who played with his heart on his sleeve. Who can forget the first time ‘Boro were relegated and the boy wonder collapsed on his knees and cried. After they went down there were discussions on whether they could keep him whilst they played in the old 2nd Division, but with the wage demand and Juninho wanting to make sure that he was still competing for a place in the Brazilian team, he left to play for Atletico Madrid.

He did come back and play in Teeside, three times. The last one was when he helped Middlesboro win the Mickey Mouse League Cup (their first and only cup to date) – and this single win convinced Barwick and his cronies to hire their Manager to coach the current England team, so thanks for that Juninho.

After the Middlesboro/Athletico period he went to Celtic but didn’t settle there. Eventually he went home to play in Brazil.

Now he is back playing in another foreign league and as that league’s featured player. This one didn’t get as much press coverage as Derek’s did, probably to the annoyance of the Aussie Federation.
Junhinio is a is a Marquee player along side other “big” names such as Stan Lazaridis and Craig Moore. As mentioned these players have broken the wage cap to get more bums on seats.

A previous Marquee player and well known to you is Dwight Yorke. He was playing for Sydney FC at the time. – I bet you’ve seen Sydney FC’s name crop up a few time on the BBC footie news. They’ve always been trying to sign a well known player. Last one they tried to get before Juninho was Robbie Fowler. But he decided that Cardiff was better.

Sydney FC as you can tell from those reports have big ambitions and see themselves as the Australian equivalent of the LA Galaxy. In fact there’s a friendly match arrange between them for November 27th which will be cancelled if the original Goldenballed one is injured.

The club has a loyal bunch of supporters nicknamed “The Cove”. Before the beginning of last season they sang backup on a single recorded by Jimmy Barnes about Sydney FC:

» Jimmy Barnes – Sydney FC For Me

This is another one that nearly has that footie/musical perfect storm… Match commentary and some fans chanting. – There is a video for the single too.