After only a one season dip Newcastle United are back to where they think that they belong…
But this time things will be very, very different.

A few weeks back I posed some questions for Teena (a friend of F&M) on her site Y I, Mum ? because sadly for Newcastle, they don’t have much time to dwell on celebration. Their preparations for next season have to be already under way before their championship title was even confirmed.

Harsh reality but as I said, things are different now.

Firstly – the Barcodes have to accept that they are no longer a “big” club.
Unless another billionaire sheik comes in of course, but at this present moment in time with their present set-up they have to try and ready themselves with a different outlook and a better view of what’s ahead for them.

The questions I posed to Teena were:

Another one to throw in there:

- What about the strikers ? Good enough for the Prem ?
How about signing that bloke who looks like he’ll be surplus to requirement at Man U… no not him… they don’t have that sort of budget to sign blankfireBerba, I’m talking about…

Ok, Ok, I admit. I’m taking the piss now. Well the post was getting a bit serious and you know that if you want to discuss that sort of thing there are many better places than this one.

BUT BEFORE ALL THAT… They should allow themselves a least a few minutes to celebrate.

Hey… let’s have a party. Gazza’s got the tunes:

Tempted to pun, but resisted.

Right that’s enough. Back to work.

Over in North America they have a pub-standard league known as the MLS, which until the arrival of a certain individual was ignored pretty much everywhere.

Now this league differs in the way that some players are signed for the teams. It is based on one used in another league – the NFL – and this is a draft system.

To shorthand it into one sentence: How this works is that new players are recruited from college soccer teams. So if you wanted to play in the MLS the route in first would be for you to get yourself into a college.

Now you are pondering on how a young chappie such as the one seen pictured above just before his Chartered Accountancy interview, would have done since the only route into soccer in the States is via academia. He would have got on very well actually. Because his talent would have been spotted and would have probably been offered a quote: “football scholarship” so that he could then attend a college to quote: “study” but everyone knows he’s there to split the defence with a pass and not infinitives.

I re-worded that last line about hundred times, I give up.

The perverse thing about that draft system is that the poorest performing team from a previous season get the best draft player first – and the best team get to choose last. This is designed so that there’s an even spread of talent, a level playing field if you will.
So imagine it like Walcott playing for Portsmouth – or Babel playing for Liverpool.   Oh.

That’s quite enough of the filler text. To the subject in hand:

Regarding a certain Paul John Gascoigne Esq, famous son of Gateshead, resident of the local nick as of late.

The year was 1990 – the height of Gazzamania – and it was a golden year for him*
With the single featuring Lindisfarne reaching number 2 in the charts, he followed up this success by releasing an album. But this was not your usual Long Player…

I doubt if we’ll ever find the reason for the curious choice of tracks on this album.

Reading the sleevenotes from the Geordie boy, he writes:

“When I was first asked to get together some special songs and very special friends for an album the difficulty was deciding what (and who) to leave out.”

One of the things he pretty much left out was himself. Choosing to include the singles, plus one additional song that he got his mates (at the time) to howl along with.

- And in the interests of decency names should be named: Kenny Lynch, Danny Baker, Anna Gascoigne (his sister), Michael Patto, Gary Osborne, Billy Laurie, Lem Lubin and Martin Kearney… but no Jimmy “Five Bellies”… Probably for the best.

[See post to listen to audio] » Gazza and Friends – All You Need Is Love

and because I’m feeling sadistic today have the 12″ version…

…. of Fog On The Tyne:
[See post to listen to audio]» Gazza/Lindisfarne – Revisited (12 inch version)

The rest of the album was filled with a medley from various artists including a soul, a Motown, an Elvis and finally a Gilbert O’Sullivan medley. Work that one out:

Away Man. Aw Ye Gan Oot ?

The telling of this sad tale started from the very beginning of the season and a couple of weeks ago they added another farcical chapter with the appointment of the armchair pundit who has no qualifications to rescue them from their plight.

It could have been worse though, Mike Ashley could have gone for another Barcode legend who actually had more team coaching experience…

[See post to listen to audio] » Gazza & Lindisfarne – Fog On The Tyne Revisited (12″ version) » Music video » Don’t forget the Lyrics in which the first two lines of the first verse goes: "Sitting in a sleazy snack bar /Sucking sickly sausage rolls..."

* The young Mr PJ Gascoigne seen above just before his Chartered Accountancy interview.

» Previous Gazza coverage.

Latest about the daft lad. Sadly he’s still ….as a brush.

Article via DigitalSpy:

‘Confused’ Gazza supports wrong team

Friday, March 14 2008, 12:15 GMT
By Beth Hilton, Entertainment Reporter

Paul Gascoigne reportedly celebrated Barnsley’s recent FA Cup win after forgetting he played for Burnley.

The Sun claims that the ex-footballer has been continuing to behave erratically since he was released from a psychiatric unit last Friday. He was sectioned 18 days earlier following an alleged drinks and drugs binge.

A friend is quoted as saying: “I gently reminded him it was Burnley he was with for a short time and he said, ‘No, it was Barnsley’. He was quite insistent.”

The source added that Gascoigne answers the door in an untied dressing gown with his genitals on show when friends visit his dad’s home in Gateshead.

The 40-year-old, who was placed on suicide watch after being admitted to hospital, also chain-smokes, twitches and puts on voices.

Doctors have predicted that he will require periodic treatment for his mental health issues for the rest of his life.

A hospital source said: “Gazza is almost certain to become a revolving door patient, spending years in and out of psychiatric hospitals. They’ll be in for a few weeks, get treated, improve and be released.

“After a few months they go downhill again.”

I stumbled across this Guardian article from 2004. In it the Grauniad hack Simon Hattenstone followed Gazza around when he was doing a book signing tour for his then newly released autobiography Gazza: My Story.

In the article he talks about the short period of time where he found himself in China.
Obviously the Chairman of Kettering didn’t see this before employing him a couple of years later.

…”I enjoyed the programme in China, Paul, any thoughts of going back there.”

“Nae son, going up the road for a Chinese is enough for me now.”

A BBC crew followed him through his four months playing for Gansu Tianma in China. It made for a heartbreaking documentary. He thought he was just going out to play, but when he got there he was reminded that he had agreed to coach the team as well. This led to a horrible panic attack. We saw his face turn red as he struggled to breathe. “Just feeling trapped,” he said. “Got shakes and everything. Can’t get me breath and we’re training in 10 minutes. I can’t hear anything, can’t breathe. I feel as if I want to cry and I cannae.”

They talk about people in the game having a footballing brain. He had one out on the pitch, but it didn’t translate to the sideline.

[See post to listen to audio]
» The Spinners – Football Crazy

The song was written many, many years before the daft lad but it has very prophetic lyrics »

This next one is by a group of West Ham fans:

[See post to listen to audio]
» The Boleyn Boys – Football Mad

- Previously: Daft As A Brush

But I want to make a Football and Music contribution to the subject.

Get better Gazza. The football world is rooting for you.

  First up – Some songs about him :

» Spitting Image – Cry Gazza Cry

» Mr Martini – Gascoigne Please

» The New Cockerel Chorus – Nice One Gazza

  …and now two songs by him :

[See post to listen to audio]
» Gazza and Lindisfarne – Fog On The Tyne (Revisited)

[See post to listen to audio]
» Gazza – Geordie Boys (Gazza Rap)