The Singing Footballer Returns

Posted on March 9, 2010   |   Filed under: Music, Video  |  Tags: footie  |  Add a Comment »  

Heads up ! Some proper writing ahead.

We are bandwagon jumping and have invited Obscure Music and Football (which like F&M it does as it says on the tin…) to do guest post on here.   Read on Macduff:

Football songs are currently going through something of a renaissance. After being shunted for the past decade or so, possibly due to footballers taking themselves too seriously and being less willing to poke fun at themselves, football songs have become the comeback kid. No doubt due to the advent of Facebook and YouTube, footballers are now more than willing to unleash their musical credentials. But in a world where footballers are as characterless as Jamie Redknapp’s punditry, what is the modern football song like?

Unfortunately, Ryan Babel is the perfect example of how footballers have turned into attention-seeking cretins that don’t care about anyone but themselves because they’re so bloody great. It’s quite surprising for a man that sounds like he’s coughing up phlegm whilst rapping. When it comes to his lyrics, Babel is so arrogant to such proportions that it almost becomes unethical. It just shows how much football songs have changed as it’s no longer about hoping your team wins, finding love or eating sausage rolls. It’s now about how expensive your watch is, how big your car is and how rubbish everyone else is apart from yourself. Before football songs was about enjoying the situation and laughing in the face of adversity, but now it’s just full of spite and bitterness. Despite this Babel’s music seems to be very popular in the Netherlands. What do you expect in a country that sees 2Unlimited as demi-gods?

Another interesting change is how seriously music is being taken as a possible career by footballers. Before, you’d think that ‘Diamond Lights’ was conceived after a drunken bet or ‘Head Over Heels in Love’ was just a blatant-cash in. Even something like Andy Cole’s ‘Outstanding’ was not treated as a life-or-death affair. Now it seems like if footballers do not get the attention they crave or if they receive a single piece of constructive criticism, their heads will combust due to its devastating impact. It takes such an obsession on their lives, that in their deluded world, they think that it is now their major career path.

Take a look at Clint Dempsey who, under the alias Deuce (a name that is no doubt influenced by the cheesy manufactured group from the mid-1990’s), wants to be the new Pharrell Williams at whatever cost. Due to hiring the cheapest knock-off of Puff Daddy, however, his song ‘Don’t Tread’ seems to have the intensity of taking out false teeth and the terror of being happy-slapped by a midget. It’s obvious that Dempsey wants to be taken seriously here but, with lyrics describing how he is signed by Nike, his venture into music is as credible as Paul Gascoigne’s music career without even realising it.

Despite these accusations, there have been recent attempts to record football songs for charity. However, these seem to be a cynical attempt to further expose these vanity projects on the public radar rather than being a genuine attempt to raise funds and awareness for various charities.

The Players, for example – fronted by Norwegian Premier League players (i.e. obscure and/or unknown players to the average football fan) Freddy Dos Santos, Kristofer Hæstad, Raymond Kvisvik and Øyvind Svenning, along with Blackburn Rovers winger Morten Gamst Pedersen, they gathered to sing the track ‘This is For Real’ which raised funds for the charity Soccer against Crime. Fair play, until you listen to the song. As tepid as a John Major pose, it has the lyrical content that is likely to induce immediate projectile vomiting. Utterly pointless, where it feels like random members of Embrace, Orson and Westlife have instantly been turned into waxwork models.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. » The Players – This Is For Real

Neil Danns’ effort for the Haiti fund seems even more contrived and self-satisfied than others. In a doomed attempt to show that he cares about the world, he discusses terror and poverty with the substance of the average Metro article. In addition to committing manslaughter to Eric Clapton’s ‘Wonderful Tonight’, Danns tries to be cool and insightful by singing about 9/11 whilst using Auto-Tune and dancing in an ushanka:

Rather tragically though, Danns is the artist most convinced that he is set for music stardom as he is currently studying for a video editing and production course. You can imagine Danns spending every single second of his life thinking about Auto-Tune, given that Sheffield Wednesday duo Richard O’Donnell and Mark Beevers’ have practised the Kings Of Leon song Sex on Fire on Auto Tune with empty Coca-Cola bottles.

There are, however, two saving graces that revert to the stereotypical view of the football song….

One is Carlos Tevez’s band Piola Vago who completely understands the concept of recording a wonderfully bad football song. Recorded by musicians who are performing at five pitches higher than it should be, their musical incompetence is naturally brilliant in its own way. It is also what a football song should be; no boasting or being completely in love with themselves, just a bunch of football fanatics having a bit of fun and not taking themselves seriously with it. Whilst I’m convinced that the song ripped onto YouTube was played at completely the wrong speed, they are comedy geniuses.

Didier Drogba’s effort is equally entertaining. Whether the collaborator is called ‘Billy Billy’ or whether that is the name of the song is unknown, given that every aspect of this recording is completely incomprehensible. Utilising the modern techniques found in the Ivory Coast such as the using the horn function on the 1992 Yamaha PSR-75 electronic keyboard, it somehow sounds like a remedial class trying to play Caribbean music. As devastating as cot death, Billy Boy’s is hilariously bad with Drogba’s contribution a delight to marvel at.

Although it seems like a trivial subject to discuss, modern football songs parallel the criticisms of modern football (whether these are right or wrong is a different story). They are generally mean-spirited and soulless songs, recorded by a bunch of narcissistic show-offs who will throw their toys out of the pram if they don’t get their own way. As credible as Rio Ferdinand’s television career, it is the worst kind of music you can listen to -in the musicians’ warped world they think they are creating something groundbreaking when it is in fact the opposite. Apart from two people, that is. Thank god for Carlos Tevez and Didier Drogba.

About the author:

Chris Ledger is the writer and editor of the cult website Obscure Music and Football.

Happy Christmas Your Arse

Posted on December 18, 2009   |   Filed under: Music, Video  |  Tags: Xmas  |  2 Comments »  

In what has become an annual tradition now...

It is nine years to the day since some drunken tw@t in a speedboat took Kirsty’s life.

Still sadly missed and this is for her.

<< audio offline >>
» Hypem
» Lyrics

EXTRA TIME: An actual link to footie by Kirsty:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser. » Kirsty MacColl – England 2, Columbia 0 » Lyrics Oh you shouldn’t have kissed me and got me so excited And when you asked me out I really was delighted So we went to a pub in Belsize Park And we cheered on England as the sky grew dark Oh you shouldn’t have kissed me cause you started a fire But then I found out that you’re a serial liar You lied about your status You lied about your life You never mentioned your three children And the fact you have a wife Now it’s England 2 Colombia nil And I know just how those Colombians feel If you hadn’t passed out while I was talking to your friend It could have really ended badly cause you very nearly had me If he hadn’t taken pity on my heart full of desire I might never have found out you’re a serial liar You lied about your status You lied about your life You forgot you have three children You forgot you have a wife Now it’s England 2 Colombia 0 And I know just how those colombians feel It is not in my nature to ever pick the winning team Sometimes I think I’m happy then I remember it’s a dream Now it isn’t in my nature to ever pick a winner I always pick a bastard who would have me for his dinner I can never possess the object of my desire Cause he’s bound to turn out to be a serial liar Ok I didn’t mention my kids, I thought I’d wait a bit But I am free and single and he’s a lying git Cause he lied about his status He lied about his life He forgot he had three children He forgot he had a wife And it’s England 2 Colombia nil I know just how those Colombians feel So I got into a taxi and sobbed all the way home Called my friend up in sao paulo and cried down the phone I played some tragic music and I lay down to die But later I woke and I hadn’t stopped crying You should never have kissed me, you tasted of deceit Your perfume was adultery but I’m not a piece of meat So I’ll be the one that you couldn’t acquire I found out in time you’re a serial liar You lied about your status You lied about your life And I pity your three children And I pity your poor wife Now you can go to hell I’m going to Brazil Still it’s England 2 Colombia nil

[Video] Pele Plays

Posted on November 26, 2009   |   Filed under: Video  |  Tags: Brazil  |  2 Comments »  

After a look at his extra curricular activities – here are some performances by Pele on the pitch.

» This is one of many documentaries about the man. It has a English (UK) voice-over but he uses the term “soccer” and I get the impression after watching that it was made for the North American market.
It is from a series of profiles on various players: “Soccer Superstars” and this one is Pele – The King.

Click on the image to view via Google Video:

» Link to video
(This is hosted on Joost. Not sure if you’ll need to download some software to watch. Video expires in 1 month)

Via the Beeb – a Storyville documentary about O Rei and Garrincha:

“Pele and Garrincha are both footballing legends in Brazil. Using archive footage, Gods of Brazil tells the story of these two men and explains how one became the World’s Greatest Footballer and the other died a broken alcoholic at the age of 49.”

Video:

Lastly a rare video of Pele scoring his 1000th goal:

Found via Sagger Makers Social Club, which has become a regular distraction to me of late.
More about and from there another time.

[Video] Brand Is Forever Blowing Bubbles

Posted on October 17, 2009   |   Filed under: Video  |  Tags: WestHam  |  Add a Comment »  

That well known Hammer (as you will see in the clip) appeared on TV in the USA last month to plug the MTV Music Awards (which he was presenting).

The talkshow host Jimmy Fallon (previously a cast member on Saturday Night Live and then afterwards a series of unfunny films including the pIsspoor Hollywood remake/change it into baseball movie Fever Pitch) asks Russell Brand about football and gets him to do some West Ham songs:

» First posted by Rob at We Don't Know Football

[Video] Bambi On Ice

Posted on August 28, 2009   |   Filed under: Video  |  Tags: Gateshead, Southampton  |  Add a Comment »  

The Grauniad’s Small Talk has a chat with Matt Le Tissier and one of the first questions was about the moment when he was subbed by “George Weah’s cousin” Ali Dia. (pronounced: dire)

» A video interview of Le Tiss talking about “Bambi on ice” and his 20 minutes in a Southampton shirt:

EXTRA TIME:

A clip from Sky Three’s “Football Years”, which briefly covers the Ali Dia appearance:

As they said in the clip there he went on to play for Non-League Gateshead and played 8 matches for them without once bothering the goal (or anybody else for that matter).

AND PENS:

Related – Go and have a listen to Pez & The Valley Slags with their valiant tribute to the legendary Saint.

[Video] Deuce Is On Fire

Posted on August 27, 2009   |   Filed under: Video  |  Tags: Fulham, USA  |  Add a Comment »  

Originally posted on The Offside Rules.

Football Mundial profile/interview with Clint Dempsey:

» Also known as Deuce