Football and Music

After some sad and bad songs it’s time to rescue this particular road crash of a theme week with a half decent tune.

This team is one you’ve never seen play but everybody knows their name and they especially know what their away shirt looks like:

- A full colour image of the top here. It’s not that bad actually. I’d wear one.

Half Man Half Biscuit are massive Tranmere Rovers fans. Wikipedia says:
“The band played live more and more infrequently, preferring one-off gigs to tours, driving home each night to sleep in their own beds and arranging concerts to coincide with Tranmere Rovers’ away fixtures, a football team supported by all the members of the band. Half Man Half Biscuit famously turned down the chance to appear on seminal 80s rock show The Tube, as Tranmere were playing that night, even though Channel Four offered to fly them by helicopter to the game following their take in the studio.”

Who Ate All The Pies has this to say about the band and this track :

“In 1986, cult Birkenhead punk-folk band Half Man Half Biscuit – one of John Peel’s favourite all-time groups – released their infamous debut single, ‘The Trumpton Riots’. On the B-side was the almost-as-infamous track, ‘All I want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague away kit’, a wonderful study of adolescent rivalry and table football.”

» Half Man Half Biscuit - All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla Prague Away Kit (Peel Session)

Sample lyrics: "And he'd managed to get hold of a Dukla Prague away kit /'cause his uncle owned a sports shop and he'd kept it to one side /And after only five minutes you'd be down to ten men /'cause he'd sent off your right back for taking the base from under his left winger.."

Also - The band performing the song on the Old Grey Whistle Test

BONUS TRACK »

HMHB went back to the Chrimbo theme with this track from their Trouble Over Bridgewater album, released in 2000. A purposely clichéd tune which will make you sing along (another cliché) along with with clichéd lyrics and the topper to all this - some children singing the chorus. You can’t help yourself and you will be humming it after listening:

Half Man Half Biscuit - It’s Clichéd to Be Cynical at Christmas

As mentioned the band are big footie fans and I’ve got more footie-related titled songs done by them which I’ll post another time.

Yesterday we had three ingredients that should never meet. Today I’m going to throw in another one which again you would usually never associate with some of the others.

Today it is: Football. Music. Christmas and… Elvis.

How the hell this came about I don’t know. No joy in a search for the truth. This is another one like Dubya’s drunk driving conviction, was buried in the hope that nobody would uncover again.

Yesterday’s offerings were a bit bad, these ones are very sad.

Harry Roden (for we must name names here. The guilty must be exposed) wherever you are. I’m sure you are still cursing this career (if you had one) killer.

Harry is a barcodes fan and sings, in an Elvis style, about Santa wearing red and white when in his opinion he should be in black and white:

» Harry Roden - Santa Is A Geordie

Next up is a song about a journeyman and well known footie player, who might have been also known as a legendary footballer if it wasn’t for his legendary drinking and womanizing. This one isn’t a Chrimbo one but is a footie/musical/Elvis one.

Frank Worthington has somehow managed to survive where Bestie’s liver didn’t and is still doing the rounds as an after-dinner speaker. A snippet from Who At All The Pies on his colourful past:

“Frankie has the kind of history where myth and fact are blurred… but it doesn’t really matter. One brilliant tale I overheard once involved Frank playing for the England U23s… the squad flew to Russia, and the players trudged off the plane one-by-one in their royal blue England blazers… but without Worthington who delayed his departure… probably to get a last gin in, and to chat up the stewardess… then, like his hero, Elvis, he swaggered down the steps dressed in full cowboy attire, complete with ten gallon stetson and tassles. The Russian public didn’t know what to make of such decadence, and Frank promptly pissed off to the bar.”

This track was recorded when he was at Leicester and done by some person(s) unknown under the pseudomyn of “The Joe Jordanaires”. Why they chose this name I don’t know. I’ve looked at their careers and they never crossed paths. I think they just used Joe Jordan’s name because it was an attempt at a pun on the real group.

» The Joe Jordanaires - Frank Worthington

This is the first post in another theme week.

Football and music are two strangers which should pass in the night, but as we know they didn’t. They bumped into each other, clicked immediately and went to the pub to celebrate.

We have witnessed the unholy results of their union. It is a collaboration that shouldn’t exist. It sometimes works, but in nearly all the cases, does not.

The months turn to December, footie and music spot the Chrimbo season across the bar & is invited to join them.
The end of the world is indeed, nigh.

Evidence of the beginning of the end is posted below. More to be posted throughout the week. You should full expect to see the 4 horsemen by Friday.

Is that Barry Hearn, the chairman of Leyton Orient still involved in the snooker and boxing ? That’s another couple of unlikely bedfellows and I think that music got in between the sheets with them too, but that’s another dark path that I am not going down. No way.

Clapton Orient (as they were known) no longer have the “lowly” tag associated with them. They are currently 4th in Football League One and looking good for promotion. Barry has big future ambitions for the club including a move into the Olympic Stadium after the 2012 games. I’m not sure if this would be a good idea with Orient only attracting an average gate of 6000.. they would be lost in that huge stadium, but this is 6-7 years ahead and you never know, they could be a big draw by then.

Today though I am looking into their past and dragging up a bit of forgotten musical history.

I’ve tried to research to find out a bit more info about the following songs, but because of their titles it was fruitless. All I do know is that these were recorded in the 60s’ or 70s’. If you are an Orient fan or know more about the tracks then contact me. Until then time to put on your Santa hat and sing along to a Chrimbo carol with changed lyrics. I have no idea about religion and don’t know if this is blasphemy or something. More unfortunate than offensive to anybody.

» Leyton Orient FC - We The Kings Of Orient Are

- another track, possibly recorded around the same time:

» Leyton Orient FC - Football Football

- To wrap things up, a “bonus” track - the tune that they run out to:

» Herb Alpert - Tijuana Taxi

Again I did some research to find out why. Why this one, but found nought.

After winning the World Club Championship the AC Milan captain Paolo Maldini announced that he is finally retiring from playing.

I wanted to pay tribute to the footballing legend who was always one of the first names I added in my fantasy football selections.

Maldini played for 22 years for the same club and look what he won in that time:

Serie A: 1988, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004
Coppa Italia: 2003
Italian Super Cup: 1988, 1992, 1993, 1994, 2005
UEFA Champions League: 1989, 1990, 1994, 2003, 2007
European Super Cup: 1989, 1990, 1994, 2003, 2007
Intercontinental Cup: 1989, 1990
FIFA Club World Cup: 2007

Sadly no European or World Cup medals, but look at how many Serie A titles. Look at how many Champions League trophies. He will be unmatched by anybody for a long time.

I would imagine he’ll follow his Dad and go into coaching.
There is another generation of Maldini by the way - his 12 year old son plays for the Milan youth team.

- Henri Winter in the Telegraph did a good write up about him in this article dated 4th December 2007.

I wanted to find an appropriate song to accompany this tribute (Simply The Best obviously ruled out and banned straight away) and the one I thought of is from Pink Floyd who actually wrote it in tribute to Syd Barrett.

Taken from a live concert in Madison Square Garden in 1977:

» Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Live at Madison Square Garden)

Maybe not the best one. If you can think of a more fitting song post it in the comments.

I’m going to beat them to the punch by posting the obvious song which the red tops will use punningly in their upcoming battles with Capello.

Oh and of course they’ll throw in The Italian Job too.

- For the tabloid journo’s plus Fabio and his backroom staff - to help you improve your Inglese/Italian, you’d better bookmark this site.

It is sad that there was no decent English born candidate for the job, but what’s even sadder is that there isn’t any on the horizon either. Looking at the list of current managers in the football leagues, there are a few names coaching in the lower divisions that I hope will flourish in the future, but for now… Benvenuto Fabio !

Edit: I’m worried about the amount of cash the FA has wasted on all this - They gave £2 million to McSven for his failure to qualify for Euro2008 and now they are paying Capello £6.5 mill per year…

» Bananarama - Robert De Niro’s Waiting

Bonus song: - from The Italian Job soundtrack:

» Matt Monro - On Days Like These