Football and Music

McClown publicly handed his resignation in last week with his trip over to the USA to watch and then call Derek up for the England team.

What did he see when old Goldenballs played in that celebrity match ?
What information did Steve McClaren get from watching him score two goals against the bloke from Without A Trace that made him think that Derek was fully and competitively match ready to face Croatia next week ?

» There was another McClaren in the news last Monday who did the right thing and pulled out before any damage was done. It’s a pity the footballing McClaren didn’t consider the same 15 months ago.

I know there’s still a chance. But does anybody like our fate to be in other hands ? Do any of us think that we will actually scrape through by the skin of our teeth ? The Bookies don’t think so. You can get better odd on the inept tactician losing his job after next Wednesday.

So as we rue one of Brian Barthwick’s alcoholic fueled bad decisions, time to rub it in with another one of the Football Association’s brain farts from 2002 and England’s official song for the World Cup:

» Ant & Dec - We’re On The Ball     [Don't forget the lyrics]

This was a cover version from a B side of an Arsenal single. I'd like to find the original. If you have it out there...

Although this was one of the more slightly annoying official songs, it wasn’t the most annoying. That will be posted before Wednesday’s pointless match.

EXTRA TIME:
To inflict more pain upon ourselves (if we don’t have enough when watching them) a couple of “bonus” tracks. » 1 from Ant & Dec and one from their previous persona’s :

» Ant & Dec - Shout

» PJ & Duncan - If I Give You My Number     [Read the comedy lyrics]

DaveC wipes a tear from his eye as he reminisces…

Many times you when you hear about a footie players attempt at singing you ask yourself - Why ?
For what reason is he doing this ?
If it is for charity then fair enough. Buy the CD and donate it to an Oxfam shop afterward.

Why do you do it ? What makes you suddenly think (at the time) that you are at the king of all football and everything you touch will turn to gold ? Who is it who advised you ? Was it that ginger Evans ? Did you manager or your agent see dollar signs in their eyes ?

You must - and I’m addressing all footballers here past, present and future - to please sit down and think about it first. Phone your mates. Not your mates who have been around with you when you hit the big time, but your mate mates who knew you back when. Ask them if they think it is a good idea. Ask them - and this is the more important bit - if they think that you can sing.

The answer you’ll get back will always be. NO.

You have the talent with the outside of your boot when you make it curl around two defenders in front of you and just past the keepers reaching fingertips, but you don’t have the same when you stand in the studio reading out the lyrics. Trust me on this, you don’t.

Up next is the first in a series of individual footballers and their attempts to achieve chart success.
I’ve previously posted examples of some other footie players solo efforts, but none of them, as far as I know… I still have to do more research into it… were actual singles released with the aim of pop chartdom. I think they were tracks included on album compilations. But as I said I may be wrong on that. I still have to check.

Another big question is for the people who help these football stars get on record. These people are usually and unsurprisingly already in the music industry. So why ? You muso’s. Why do you do it ?

I think I can understand your thinking. To use a footie cliche - at the end of the day you stand (or sit nowadays) on the terraces watching them play and you imagine yourself in their place. Even though you are on stage and are too performing to a crowd it’s not the same elation as a footballing crowd. In music your fame can be fleeting. Maybe forgotten about a few years down the line. But with football that, on the most part, doesn’t happen.
If you end up in a Premier League team, if you end up playing for England you are remembered. The fans years down the line will talk about the legendary Number 9 and the goals he scored. Something that you, even though you archived stardom in your own right imagined yourself when you were a kid.

In this instance the guilty party who helped commit a musical crime is Chris Lowe of the Pet Shop Boys.

Chris, originally from Blackpool is an Arsenal season ticket holder and obviously must have shared some prawn sandwiches with the players in the lounge after the match. At one of these receptions he got talking to the striker at the time and they must have swapped stories of how he wanted to be a pop singer and the musician told the center forward that he, like many kids, wanted to be a footballer.

It was too late for Chris Lowe now, he was old and the opportunity (arf!) had passed, but he could help Mr Ian Wright Wright Wright record a single. In fact he would write and produce it for him as well…

» Ian Wright Wright Wright - Do The Right Thing

Brace yourself for the middle bit when he stops ’singing’ and starts talking about the media and about the pressure of it all.

I was going to post this next one because I thought they recorded it to coincide with the Mickey Mouse League Cup Final in 1978, but as far as I’ve researched so far this isn’t the case. It looks like they recorded this single just for the hell of it.
If somebody out there can offer more of a background to this one then please mail me.

‘They’ in this case are Nottingham Forest, who had more successes with the European and League Cup.
During Old Big ‘Ead’s reign they won 14 cups (that total includes some really obscure competitions though, such as the Leagu… I mean.. The Nuremberg Tournament and Trofeo Colombino Cup.) If you count only the major cups then it is 8.

This is only a hypothetical, as mentioned I don’t know the whole story of how it came about: … Sometime back in 1978 somebody at Notts Forest (maybe) decided that they release a single to celebrate their success.

Around that time Forest were dominating the cup competitions (apart from the FA one), they had won the 1978 League Cup after a replay and then went onto win it again the year after - and then did the same with the European Cup.

They must have took note of the Spurs/Chas & Dave winning combination (!) and were influenced by this.

So hands up everybody who can name a famous band or artist from Nottingham. No Google cheating here, off the top of your head name one. Hard isn’t it. Remember that it was the mid to late 70’s too.

Again somebody at the club maybe stumbled onto this fact, or remembered their appearance on a big TV talent show in 1974 and their subsequent Number 1. There was a local band made good. Maybe they would be interested in recording something with them…

Opportunity knocked forPaper Lace and after winning on the show in ‘74 their single: “Billy Don’t Be A Hero” went straight to the top of the charts.

I went looking for a video of the single on YouTube and found it. (The song was about Billy going off to fight in the American Civil War - How a pair of English songwriters came to write about this subject is a puzzling one.)
But I then also found what looks to be a re-recorded 80’s remixed version - a disco version at that, by the same group. Go and watch and compare the two, you’ll see what I mean. The newer one is very bizarre.

I’ve wandered off. Back to the Forest and their meeting of minds:

The band had two other singles in the top 10 of the same year but by the end of 1974 they had already faded. Until four years later when this happened along.
Snippet from Wikipedia:

“The ‘Nottingham Forest March’ (’We Got the Whole World in Our Hands’) was released in 1978 on 7 inch vinyl. This was a joint collaboration between the group Paper Lace and Nottingham Forest Football Club and features the fans singing as well as the team of the time. Changes to the lyrics included “We’re the best team, in the land / We’re the best damn team, in the land” amongst others.”

» Paper Lace & Nottingham Forest FC - We Got The Whole World In Our Hands

I heard that many Cub Scout groups took a hit out on them after this - Stealing their repertoire !

Extra Time:

» An interview with Phil Wright (the drummer).

» Download the Commodore 64 computer game: Brian Clough’s Football Fortunes. (You’ll need an emulator to play it.) The forerunner to all football management games ?

It is sad to read that his kids have put Sir Norman Wisdom into a retirement home.
Well he is 92 years old now and only retired from performing live on stage at 90.

But some gutter rats from The News of the Screws visited the living comedy legend and found out he’s actually happy there. (There’s a video that accompanies that article you have to watch).

Again like the mention of Bentine the other day, if you’ve not heard of him. Look him up. Lee Evans owes his whole act to Sir Norman.

I’ve got a story about when our paths crossed briefly. I may tell it at the end. All depends on how this post goes.

Some things I recently found out about him:

» He used to post and corresponded with people via the forum on his IMDB profile.

(These from Wikipedia)
» Wisdom is a lifelong supporter and a former board member of Brighton and Hove Albion F.C.

» In 1995, he visited the post-Stalinist Albania, where to his surprise he was greeted by many appreciative fans including the president. His fondness for Brighton & Hove Albion is renowned in Albania and consequently there are many ‘Seagulls’ fans there.

» On a visit in 2001 which coincided with the England football team playing Albania in Tirana, his presence at the training ground even eclipsed that of David Beckham.

The Wikipedia entry for Brighton has him listed with their other famous supporters. With the additional info: “Norman Wisdom, the comedian who was once a director of the club and who wrote new words for the club’s song “Sussex by the Sea”.

I don’t have that, but what I do have is a song recorded for their FA Cup Final appearance in 1983.

This final was memorable because of something said by the commentator right at the crucial moment:

“…and Smith must score !”

But unfortunately, like when Brian Moore asked Keegan as England were taking the pens, the commentator’s prophetic words were a curse to striker Gordon Smith. He hesitated and Gary Bailey saved it.

The match finished 2-All and in the replay they were gubbed 4-nil.

That Final appearance seemed to be their top flight swansong, after that things went downhill and after skirting with relegation from the football leagues all together, are (at the moment) 6th place in the old Division Three.

There is still an ongoing drama with their ground. But I’ll save that story for another day…

So in time for this year’s FA Cup 1st Round Proper …

» The 1983 Brighton & Hove FA Cup Final Squad - The Boys In Old Brighton Blue

A bit of football and comedy… No I’m not talking about the current England squad.

A couple of audio clips I stumbled across found when - as these things always happen - when I was looking for something else. Then after finding these clips I forgot what I went looking for in the first place.. Again doesn’t this always happen.

[From then and now]

First one comes from one of the original Goons. One of the Fathers of our surreal British comedy. Michael Bentine had a 30 minute sketch show on the BBC called It’s A Square World…

Bentine, Michael. The one that did all the crazy voices. Look him up.
You may remember him better for Michael Bentine’s Potty Time. Kids show with the hand puppets and Bentine did all their voices. Sadly I could only find one clip of the show on YouTube.

Anyhoddles.

I don’t know if the clip is the full sketch of just an excerpt. There are CD’s on Amazon UK that have the track, but it doesn’t give any detail as to how long the sketch was. In either way…

» Michael Bentine with the football results:

Next up: It wouldn’t be a footie/comedy post if I didn’t mention him »

Not on YouTube but worth searching out - The one where they talk about Lineker.

And Finally: If you’ve seen or heard any of the adverts done by $ky Sports for their football coverage…

Done by Mitchell and Webb and I’m not sure of the source, whether it was taken from their radio series or TV show.

» Mitchell and Webb - Watch the football !